Skip to main content

The changeovers - 1

We all know that puberty is a changeover that we all go through. But changes sometimes for us are mandatory to find someone we love, and feel worthy of their love. I remember how I dreaded the way I looked. I was fat, as a high school student, A nerd. Specs, books and plain shirts. All I could think was some magical transformation or people who took me for who I am. But the truth was far from that. I was rejected, ignored and even forgotten. The personality that I had built inside my head gave good company only to me.

All those who claim to be Sapiosexual or anyone else they claim to be, at the end of the day fall for your "personality". Personality that they lack or they have in ample. I don't remember the last time anyone took someone who doesn't have a personality, seriously. Then I realized that I had to work on myself in every way if I wanted someone to respect me and take me seriously. At least in the gay world. 

As days went by I worked on myself. May be at first I thought it was for other people, but then I wanted to do it for me. My first boyfriend did the favor of loving me for my mind, but to keep him, I had to build a personality, which I lacked. I have changed over the years, with every rejection, with every break up, I didn't break, I changed. I wished that one day all those who rejected me, who ignored me, who didn't pay attention or showed interest, turn back and look what they missed. This again, I wanted for myself. My self worth didn't deter from their comments, but I simply projected it with my personality, slowly and steadily. I respect those I see who have changed themselves better and made themselves desirable.

I don't believe that having a nice body, or a pretty face, or even the confidence is what personality just stands for. The silver lining is the character. To hook up with someone, you need a good body. To be someone's date, you need an interesting mind. To live in, with someone, you need financial independence. To be with someone and keep them, you need a solid character. You might be a prince charming, but without a good character, you might as well be a pain to your close ones at the end of the day. 


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of ...

Walk of Shame

usually walk of shame happens when you have had sex with a total stranger, and you just regret to have done that while getting back home in the morning. But, to me it was different. Some few months back, I met this guy, he was really smart. well behaved and very talented. Mind you, I didn't meet him on any apps, but for work. Everytime he comes to work, he gives special attention to me, while other men "see", he "watches" me. While other man just touch, he "feels" me. He used to openly make it clear that he is there to see me and me only. I used to feel so special. But I never had the guts to reciprocate. Partly because the reputation he has for being a player. he is extremely smart, very soft spoken and has that charm. Girls fall for him so easy. I used act like I don't like him, but all my peers started noticing the attention I get from him. He talks only to me, the way he looks at me, how closely he stands, how he gets pissed if I have a figh...

The Average Gay Fat kid

To become a self proclaimed Hot Gay Indian man doesn't take much efforts. It happens quite often. The fact that the gay world is driven by the looks comes from the general quote that "women go by the words and Men go by the looks", Gay or Straight, I am sure that rule works well. it is also by the fact that the self proclaimation is quite easy for us. Men, in general, with all our testosterone end up thinking that we are much good looking than we really are. women on the other hand, always end up thinking otherwise (and yet we say, Men are visually stimulated). For someone who was but a budding "Man" back then, as a teenager, I was wondering if I was "Man" enough to call myself fat. But everyone around me sure did. A teenager who had bountyful fat flowing from all sides, the only feature that I was proud of must be my cute face and milky white skin, along with thick hair and feline eyesbrows (If only you were a girl, you would have been pretty, I ha...