Being Closeted Indian Gay

Of all the time, this is the best time to that gay men are exposed to each other with enough privacy in the social media. From the time where there were smaller online forums to meet gay men, now we have apps and wide range of people. But Millennials face other problems that comes against their gay romance, which is as real as it gets Time - Millennials have very less time (at least the successful ones), and they can spend very less time for going out or getting to know a person. They would rather have sex and get done with their urges, and get on with their work than to take their time to hang out with one person, or keep an engaging conversation with someone you are interested with. The Shift systems in the corporate world and time-line difference in long distant relationships. Lets not forget how tired we get after a full day's work.The connection is there, but the timing is off. Place -  Millennials unlike our generations before are forced to live with parents until th...

Reaching a new city, for a short trip, I was exhausted by the almost cold response I was recieving from the men of this metro. I almost ended up giving up my pursuit to meet someone. All those men who look so decent, simply didn't heed to any kind of requests to meet. It was pretty much weekend, and I was bored to the core, and a message popped up for a casual meet. This person seemed not to be having the struggles of the millennials. He had the time, a bike (trust me, not many own one these days, at least at this place), and he was willing to meet in a moments notice. We spoke, only to realize that he didn't know English!. Although he didn't know english, he was well versed in Kannada, Telugu, Hindi and Marathi. While I didn't know any of those languages. I spoke to him in my broken hindi, and he spoke in his broken English. He was not educated much, but makes a good living out of agriculture and gold designing. Even though we struggled to communicate. I found it ...

The best part of being in a relationship is not putting yourself out there. Unlike the straight world, where there is no such thing as putting yourself out, unless, may be when you use tinder to hook-up, you are very much out there, and yet, you are not. The way that you put yourself out, in the straight world is pretty clean. I don't remember putting myself out there, even in the straight world. very much to myself, I would simply respond to what comes my way. Sometimes, I prank around, I show off as some eccentric lover boy, but that I do making it clear that its just me unwinding, there won't be any follow up later on. I don't think I have ever had the urge to do so, the "follow ups". Very rarely, may be. It so happens, I haven't met anyone to be permanently friends with in the city, with whom I am comfortable enough to be with. And for the need for some gay friends with whom I could connect, I put myself out there. But, its not something I am comforta...

In the straight world, the attention that an average guy receives is less than average, compared to a girl (however she might look). For it is a given that guys go behind girls and have become a social norm of sorts. Girls do come up to you, say, you are loaded, muscular or has the game. Shadowed by the lack of any kind of attention, some closeted men like me get overwhelmed when you get the "stares" (not because of my looks for sure, lol) at the club. It is not a very common scenario for you to be advanced by men. suddenly, you feel "desirable". This is the case with all those men who have "peeked" to see the response you get from the crowd. But, the underlying tag that I didn't know that was dangling around my neck was "Fresh meat". To all those teen agers I saw dancing with those random men, I know you all must be feeling so "desirable" as well. The Tinder incident of entering a metro, where every guy has slept with every othe...

The art of dating is beautiful when you take it slow. That's when you see beyond the "hormones", the "loneliness" and the "insecurities". Today, we live in an express age, where as Kel used to say "love in a day, leave the next. express hookup, express break up". The beauty of any relationship is not in getting committed as quickly as possible, but taking it slow, and letting it happen. Don't take me wrong, but it doesn't mean you don't put a tag on what is going on, but putting a tag, but taking it slow. why? because without a proper label, one of them might get hurt. The best part for me when the couples talk is the part of "falling" in love. slow and steady, and when it is slow and steady, it lasts long. You don't rush into anything, you just keep getting comfortable in each other's presence and at one point, you feel that you cannot be without that person, who the fact that the guy is in your mind all the ...

The thing about indian gay men is that we lack etiquette of how to talk to each other. May be I am stating the obvious here. We are blunt and crass. Even the well-read. The well-read quality men can choke you with their love or cut you down instantly. Having said that, being "nice" has become a huge liability. I have the habit of being "nice" to those who compliment my blog, which follows by "I like you" from their end, when they clearly like my words, they hardly know who I am! You talk to someone who is well-read, they take it in their mind that I would have to "take it forward" with them quickly, and don't understand that I would like to keep my anonymity intact. I would love to talk to you, I would love to discuss, but if you want to "take it forward", I would have to run away. It is hard to explain them. Then there had been that one "well-read" guy whom I was interested in, but he simply stopped texting because I...

If your intention is to just sleep with me, I would pick it up pretty fast. If your intention is to cheat, probably that too. If your intention is genuine enough to date and look forward to something meaningful, I would check if I feel the same way with you, and if it matches, we are good to go. There were many times in the past when I had shut my intuition down and had paid the price for it. Having said about their intuitions, I pay attention to mine all the time. Am I just being with them cose I am horny, Am I with then cose I am lonely? am I being with them so that I can use them and leave them later? Am I with them because I feel sorry for them or because I need something from them? Will there be mutuality in the relationship? May be I look into all this because, I am sure someone whom I would connect with can feel the "vibe" of mine.  Sometimes when hormones take over, your vibes don't work. you simply "fall" for someone, and may be that's why ...

Also many think that Demisexuality is when you don't care how you look or how smart you are. No, that does not mean I don't look at everything else. But I might not be attracted or be able to connect unless there is an emotional warmth that I feel. There are several good looking, smart men, but how many of them make you "feel" comfortable?. I might have a type I am physically attracted to. But if there is no emotional bond, or when the talks are just empty hollows, it wouldn't matter if you are the most handsome man on earth. You might be a multi millionaire, but if you can't be humble and warm, or someone who simply looks for trophies to fuck, then it would burn me to be physically intimate with you. You might be the next Einstein, who crack the codes of the universe. I would appreciate your knowledge, don't get me wrong, but if you were aloof and outwordly, It would still make me feel disconnected. At the end, it all comes to the "vibe" of y...

Demisexuality is a term that seems to be misunderstood, or may be its just a term that I ended up using to fit my preferences. Sapiosexuality has even become quite prevalent, but Demisexuality is still a vague term. Honestly, to me, at least, its getting turned on by someone who is emotionally connected to me. And no, it doesn't mean you have to be just "nice" to me, and I'll get turned on, but its getting attracted to the emotional "vibe" of the person. To me hookups have been a nightmare. I have "made out" with guys whom I have been physically attracted to, I have made out with someone who was intellectually engaging. All this, as an experiment. But I don't feel the satisfaction nor would I be without "inhibition". No, its not because I am Asexual. But, may be I am looking for something "more" than just a someone who knows facts, or who is strong. Honestly, Strong men and intelligent men lack something beyond all that...

My ex had a friend, who used to hang out with him when he found it hard to fit in. He was with him for a while, until my ex found better friends and left him astray. He felt really bad and had told this girl, who confronted him on it. I was there watching all this in a corner, before I came to know that y ex was a cheater all along. After the whole episode where he got exposed, I had called him later and asked him if he knew about it. Apparently not. But then I asked him, why he didn't react throughout when he was ignored and humiliated by my ex. Why would he let him get away with it. This guy simply said "In time he'll realize", (as if THAT happened). But he could have done something, so that Sdev wouldn't have taken more people for granted. May be that could given a speed breaker to his vises.  But, if a girl was in his place, Sdev would have have gone through hell. Of course, it changes from person to person, I had given Sdev what is due, and he'll...

There came a random post by my openly gay friend, who had claimed that those who go for "Masc for Masc", is something offensive to gay community, and that it just follows the patriarchal culture, that doesn't let a Masc accept a Fem. To stand up for Fem gay men is pretty good, but to judge the Masc for his preference is what made me feel uncomfortable. This friend of mine, who is proudly fem, has not dated any Fellow Fem guys!. In this, I see a paradox. I have hardly seen any fem guy "date" another fem guy or prefer one. If given a choice of a Masc or a Fem who is interested in a Fem guy, the choice could very well be a Masc, at least my friend here, would drool over the manliest guys on insta or Facebook. He has all the choice to choose how he wants to be. Flamboyant, loud, feminine, and he even could be a Diva, but for some entitlement of sort, he wants the Mascs to adore him, sexually. While he would be "inspired" by the fem guys and the drag q...

One act of kindness is all we need. One person standing up for the affected. May be that's what I needed all along. Someone to stand up for me. My anger towards my ex friend kept growing day by day, I didn't know what was the reason, as I am someone who used to be tolerant. It was tiring to carry all that wrath, and I write about it when it gets too much to handle. I wrote, everyday, wanting someone to understand. Someone to care, someone to say "I understand". Someone to make me feel secure. But it never happened. My friend, I know, can't face me anymore or look at me in the eye. For his guilt might not let him. I felt helpless and vulnerable. Paranoid even. That if something similar happens to me, there isn't going to be anyone who would stand up for me. There wouldn't be anyone who would listen to me. I became weary of the world. It was eating me up from the inside, the feeling. I was cynical and pessimistic. Because I only had myself to tend to. I...

Loneliness is an epidemic of the millennials. And more so for gay men. The small circle of men, who like men (compared to the rest of the world). In my case, I have been a loner all my life. I enjoy my own company. I have interesting conversations inside my head, I am authentic and true to myself, when I am by myself. When you are so used to being by yourself, and enjoy it, it takes something substantial to be okay with anything else. Watching TV by yourself, reading a book in your pace, your own playlist to listen, and even treating yourself at home or in a hotel, it is interesting (when you can dialogue with yourself and bask in self reflection) Mind you, I am not anti-social or an introvert. When I go to a party, I would be its life. When I am with a group of friends, I connect with them all. I would even have a lot of acquaintances, about whom I would know well about. But, I would prefer to call myself a loner because all those people end up being "Out of sight, out of mind...