It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts.
But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on.
After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of living in a fantasy of a lover, who may never be mine.
And this is the case of so many of those in the community. From discovering our sexuality, denying it, searching for romance, getting disappointed, and then the search is to at least find someone to be with, and settled down, but then the case is rare.
Sometimes we forget that as men our responsibilities are more. We have to dedicate our time and efforts to make a living , which gives us no space to romanticize unless it is with a younger girl with all the time in the world, unless you are straight, with all the options you can get , with the security of "getting" settled whether you like it or not. Unless you have a social acceptance, where you feel miserable to be in the closet. Unless you had the fortune of being free to be yourself.
With all my time looking, I didn't love.
But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on.
After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of living in a fantasy of a lover, who may never be mine.
And this is the case of so many of those in the community. From discovering our sexuality, denying it, searching for romance, getting disappointed, and then the search is to at least find someone to be with, and settled down, but then the case is rare.
Sometimes we forget that as men our responsibilities are more. We have to dedicate our time and efforts to make a living , which gives us no space to romanticize unless it is with a younger girl with all the time in the world, unless you are straight, with all the options you can get , with the security of "getting" settled whether you like it or not. Unless you have a social acceptance, where you feel miserable to be in the closet. Unless you had the fortune of being free to be yourself.
With all my time looking, I didn't love.
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interesting perspective
ReplyDeletesuch wonderful piece of writing....its strange that i can relate so much to your posts.
ReplyDeleteBesides its very strange we have similar taste!.
yup recently i started this blog:
desigayperspectives.blogspot.com
and i have started writing in a style similar to yours and its amazing looking at your blog and i feel like 'this is how my blog should be'
You actually kind of inspired me!.