Skip to main content

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts.

But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on.

After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of living in a fantasy of a lover, who may never be mine.

And this is the case of so many of those in the community. From discovering our sexuality, denying it, searching for romance, getting disappointed, and then the search is to at least find someone to be with, and settled down, but then the case is rare.

Sometimes we forget that as men our responsibilities are more. We have to dedicate our time and efforts to make a living , which gives us no space to romanticize unless it is with a younger girl with all the time in the world, unless you are straight, with all the options you can get , with the security of "getting" settled whether you like it or not. Unless you have a social acceptance, where you feel miserable to be in the closet. Unless you had the fortune of being free to be yourself.

With all my time looking, I didn't love. 


  1. Thanks for sharing Information to us. If someone wants to know about,I think this is the right place for you!

    Mens cotton dhoties | Pattu pavadai readymade | Kerala Dhotis

  2. interesting perspective

  3. such wonderful piece of writing....its strange that i can relate so much to your posts.
    Besides its very strange we have similar taste!.
    yup recently i started this blog:

    and i have started writing in a style similar to yours and its amazing looking at your blog and i feel like 'this is how my blog should be'
    You actually kind of inspired me!.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Walk of Shame

usually walk of shame happens when you have had sex with a total stranger, and you just regret to have done that while getting back home in the morning. But, to me it was different. Some few months back, I met this guy, he was really smart. well behaved and very talented. Mind you, I didn't meet him on any apps, but for work. Everytime he comes to work, he gives special attention to me, while other men "see", he "watches" me. While other man just touch, he "feels" me. He used to openly make it clear that he is there to see me and me only. I used to feel so special. But I never had the guts to reciprocate. Partly because the reputation he has for being a player. he is extremely smart, very soft spoken and has that charm. Girls fall for him so easy. I used act like I don't like him, but all my peers started noticing the attention I get from him. He talks only to me, the way he looks at me, how closely he stands, how he gets pissed if I have a figh

What I would tell my young gay self

Sometimes when you are gay, you are isolated, there are no mentors to guide you what is right and what is wrong. You have to tread carefully and move forward. With all the experience that I have gained so far, I would have to see what is gonna work and what doesn't. A few things that I would want to tell my younger self if I were to meet him. 1) They are as scared as you are - I remember the days when I used to ask a hundred questions before I share my photos. I was worried that I would be blackmailed, that I would be raped, and that the guys would kidnap and sell me off. Yes, all this does happen. There are many who are really evil, but as time went, I realized that most of the guys are just helpless and are scared themselves. There are many married men who live a double life, there are famous men, who don't want to come out, there are young boys who are going through the same as you. In fact, some of them are more closed than you are! 2) You would be rejected - Rej