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Dating a girl and a guy at the same time

There are certain things which you think you would never do in your lifetime, but then the circumstances push us to it. Something like that happened in the past week. I ended up meeting a guy, very sweet guy who loved me to the core, he had honey for words and passion in his eyes. We had a great time, we spoke for a hours as if its just ten mins. We both felt it, that we liked each other, and he proposed. I rejected, or pretended to. Because I loved him, but it wouldn't work out.

This guy came to me, while planning a date with his fiance. Yes, he was about to get engaged. He apparently just decided to date me for a hookup, but things turned serious as he said that he was falling for me. If only. if only he had not said all that. It was painful, but then I hid it, I was trying to be understanding, because, I loved him. We both shared about each other a lot, and then he only asked me to stay with him and be his lifelong "friend", while he gets married. Not the first time I have gotten such an offer. All these married men want a "partner" who would be proclaimed as his lifelong "friend" who would be in a open relationship with him. 

I thought I was chilled out to be okay with it, but I couldn't. The week he met his fiance, they finalised on his wedding and from then, I was an unwanted toy. He said great things, he said he loved me, but then none of that he said and he did made sense. I started feeling that its already dying. and then I ended it, atleast I'll leave with the little self respect left. 

Having said that, I thought I completely understood how he felt, because there was this girl who is interested in me, and a lot. She has been caring and understanding, very pretty. The irony of the situation was that while she was behind me, asking if we could meet or call or text, I would be foolishly waiting for him to text. I craved for his attention and he was behind his "girl", his "bae", his "love", and he would dedicate songs to her and tell me so proudly that he was talking to her. 

Even now, as I think of it, I feel proud of myself. We had an amazing time, it was magical, but I wasn't sure if he was trustable, he had told me many times how he had kept a distance from guys who were getting too close, for the first time, I rejected him while he was trying to get close. Well, all I can say is that I followed my intuition. As for the girl, I don't "Feel" all that affinity towards her, but then she wants someone at this point, and I would be there, until I leave the country for good.

I still wonder if he is pretending to love her, or if he is pretending to love me. To me I genuinely have feelings for him, and I crave to be with him, while not the same with the girl. I now understand how these married men want a guy even though they are married. But I still don't feel like advocating such decisions, because I feel that two people are being taken for granted. Don't we deserve exclusivity and passion?


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