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Shallow Shallow world

I must say that I honestly got into fitness because I got rejected from them all when I was young. How much ever I believed in love, I realized that at the end of the day in the gay world looks speak volume.

From a fat ugly potato I trained. From a nerdy guy that I was I got into modelling. It was just recently that for a show I had to wear a loosely clad dhoti,and all those guys who used to  ignore me, especially this one accountant guy, who travels a lot, he and I used to text initially and then he seemed to be busy with all the other guys.

Just after this, he starts to text and tell me that he is keen to meet. Well, not just him, there were many others who seemed to be behind, showing more interest. I remember how I kinda rejected to go behind these men who seem to be "hot" but extremely shallow, I wanted someone who would enjoy my company for who I am. Who would listen to what I think of the world, who would know my likes and dislikes. Who would want to spend time with other than in bed.

Well, I asked him quite directly if that is all it took to get his attention? a little bit of skin show?. Well, he told me that he doesn't care about what I think. I guess then I don't care about as well. Sometimes we do certain things to take ourselves seriously. I realized that I need self esteem, that I need to respect myself and pay attention to those who like me the way I am, or those who see the potential in me. Those he support me from when I was not this way.

I wish that I find someone who isn't so great, its okay. I am fine with Work in progress. As long as there is someone who is ready to work on themselves, I'll be part of their journey. I know that they might get better offers later, but I don't really care. I would hustle on my own. I would find my own center.

Had he been nice to me from the start, had he given me enough attention back then, I would have respected him for being part of my journey. But just to come when things are getting better, I just lost that connection there. 

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