Skip to main content

The Real thing - 4

Entry - My guy's racist brother. An architect, I was told, from Mumbai. as handsome as my guy. He was himself a Bi-sexual but treated men only as sex toys, had fallen for a model in Mumbai. From an Ivy league college, I was expecting him to have a great open mind, sadly, au contraire. Referring me as "Madrasi" and all the stereotypes he could think of, He made it clear to me that I did not deserve his brother. I was offended. I told how I felt to my guy. He simply laughed it off.

It took just a conversation to know that I was smitten by Kel. His brother warned about how their family is orthodox and affluent and would never accept the fact that Kel is gay, let alone be with a madrasi. He told me about Kel's ex, some successful guy who is still with his arms wide open if Kel comes out to his family. The chances of me and Kel seemed grim. It seemed like I had no future with him. It broke me.

I tried to keep myself away. Made dramas so that he would move away. But the pull was strong, until he got the cue and moved away to look for a girl!. I was devastated. I thought that he would understand. I thought that he would see through me, but I realized that I didn't mean so much to him, as much as he meant for me. The truth hit me hard, and from then the relationship was in a downward spiral. We broke up several times, only to patch up again. He admitted many things, which I wouldn't want to share. But, after all that. I still had feelings for him.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of ...
3 comments
Read more

Being Married

When you really connect with someone who is going to get married and has a fiance, and he says "if only had we met before", isn't something you just take. I was adviced by more than couple of gay friends and Bi friends who said that Gay relationships are not trust worthy, that you should get married and settled down with a girl. At this juncture in life, marriage is a long way to go, yet, those of you who like you, love you and care for you being married or engaged doesn't give a great feeling about it. Things that I feel when a gay guy gets married. Its a Sham - A couple of guys have approached me that I be their "partner", while they are married. I honestly felt bad for the girl. While she exclusively loves him and waits for him to give her attention, he goes around with guys or a guy, to quench his thirst, sexually or otherwise. Being taken for granted - It feels like that one guy is taking the girl for granted, that she deserves only this and no...
1 comment
Read more

Why I don't fit in the gay world

As a closeted Bisexual, I feel that I am not understood. I am not understood by both gay men and Straight. May be because being Gay is portrayed in a way that I am not and it is hard to fit in. When I went to meet a gay friend of mine, He made me wear make up and I just wanted to throw up. I didn't want to dance bharathnatiyam, nor do I enjoy "classical" music of any sort. I don't watch "Ru paul's drag race",  nor do I always pout for the selfies. I don't want to dress up and giggle and I don't have "Girl" friends. I dont like to be referred as "She" nor will I want to refer a man as "She". May be the only thing that I feel is the same with another gay guy would be the fact that both of us want to be with a man. And having said that, I want a Man, who would have the attributes of a man. No, that does not make me a girl, no I don't want to behave like one too. I am not so expressive and I am not dramatic. I don...
Post a Comment
Read more