Skip to main content

The Real thing - 5

The pain of seeing the guy you love and the guy who "Liked", you with a girl. How he can openly romance with her in front of others, while his love to you was confined in private space, somehow made me feel "Dirty". It didn't hit me, until it really happened. He told me that she is just for marriage and that I would be his real love (like). He wanted a girl for his family and himself, and his children. He wanted me to marry, and have a family. Double life. A life of lie. What if one day, she finds out. Should I be doing this to a girl. Should I leave my self respect for love. I thought I deserved better.

He would have been the best. I haven't met anyone who made me feel like the way he made me feel. All this without even meeting him. It was a magic that he weaved, and I had to break out of it. The break up was momentary. I couldn't stay away. There were a few from the app who knew that something was between us. They had asked, I had to partially refuse. When he didn't reply them, They would ask me about him. All the differences kept aside, I would run back to see if he is fine. I would still be glad to be with him, if he hadn't "Ghosted" on me. Sigh. I still dream, some day, I run across him, in some airport, or a club or a coffee shop. With his family, his daughter, who would definitely be pretty and his wife. He told be, last time I spoke to him, that he found a girl to marry, and would marry at the end of this year. He had also found a guy to have occasional sex with. I guess, I deserved better. May be one day, I would look at a guy with love, and no inhibitions what-so-ever, and be stared back with the same intensity. Who would be proud to show me off, and to hold hands. Who would make meaning to all this and more that happened in the pursuit of finding him.What do you guys think?!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of ...
3 comments
Read more

Walk of Shame

usually walk of shame happens when you have had sex with a total stranger, and you just regret to have done that while getting back home in the morning. But, to me it was different. Some few months back, I met this guy, he was really smart. well behaved and very talented. Mind you, I didn't meet him on any apps, but for work. Everytime he comes to work, he gives special attention to me, while other men "see", he "watches" me. While other man just touch, he "feels" me. He used to openly make it clear that he is there to see me and me only. I used to feel so special. But I never had the guts to reciprocate. Partly because the reputation he has for being a player. he is extremely smart, very soft spoken and has that charm. Girls fall for him so easy. I used act like I don't like him, but all my peers started noticing the attention I get from him. He talks only to me, the way he looks at me, how closely he stands, how he gets pissed if I have a figh...
2 comments
Read more

The Average Gay Fat kid

To become a self proclaimed Hot Gay Indian man doesn't take much efforts. It happens quite often. The fact that the gay world is driven by the looks comes from the general quote that "women go by the words and Men go by the looks", Gay or Straight, I am sure that rule works well. it is also by the fact that the self proclaimation is quite easy for us. Men, in general, with all our testosterone end up thinking that we are much good looking than we really are. women on the other hand, always end up thinking otherwise (and yet we say, Men are visually stimulated). For someone who was but a budding "Man" back then, as a teenager, I was wondering if I was "Man" enough to call myself fat. But everyone around me sure did. A teenager who had bountyful fat flowing from all sides, the only feature that I was proud of must be my cute face and milky white skin, along with thick hair and feline eyesbrows (If only you were a girl, you would have been pretty, I ha...
Post a Comment
Read more