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Guide for the Newbie

To a wide eyed newbie potato that I was, I have come a long way. May be i didn't realize it, or may be I experience and dig deep to whatever I like. There are a  few things that I wish to say.

All men are not bad -

Initially I used to think that all men are bad. That they are looking only for sex. That they are animals who rape or abduct you, who would even kill or use you. Worst of all expose your secret to the world. I found it to be pretty stupid when I realized that most of the men were friendly, vulnerable and even scared than you are. I have seen the best of men in the gay world. They have taken good care of me, they have guided me, they have given me strength and made me feel comfortable in my skin. In fact, I saw that we all deal with the same emotions of shame, guilt and frustration. We all have fear. We all have strength, love and wisdom.

Still. Be prude -

Having said that, I feel that we have to be careful nonetheless. May be I found the gems (and a few rocks) because I was choosy. I took time to know the person I was talking to, I am still very discreet when it comes to my number, my identity etc. There are a few whom I trust with my real identity, may be after talking to them enough, knowing them and their vibe. Precaution is better than cure. Be safe with your identity, your safety is in your hands. Be aware of your pictures you share, your number, and whoever it may be, don't ever try unsafe sex. Have boundaries set.

Sex isn't everything -

You might get into the notion that "gay world is all about sex", seeing the social sites and apps, that's because those sites are for sex!, but being gay is more than that. Try to be open to the idea of romance. Most of this generation is averse to it, including me, but may be the next could show the world what all of this generation longs for, but hides under the veil, or is in denial, the desire to romance. The desire to have a boyfriend and be a "couple".

Looks matter, personality matters more -

Gay world is extremely visual. I remember the time when I was rejected by all the handsome guys, who now have started noticing. Only because puberty did me a favor. But, the underlying thing is how I carry myself, is something that I took care of. Most guys I speak to say the same, if you want the guy to be proud of having you by his side, you might as well be the reason for it. Expecting others to accept you the way you are, would mean you have to accept them for the way they are. Its your choice.

Acceptance takes time -

May be we can accept ourselves, but to expect the world to accept you that way, takes time. We might reach a stage where we don't need validation from anyone. But its a painful and brutal process. You could take your time for that. Be true to yourself. If you think you need validation from others, take your time and go around looking for it for sometime. But you may not be accepted by all . Because you may not accept them all.

Have Standards -

Its easier to get laid in the gay world. Have high standards, even if you get rejected by the good ones, try to work on yourself instead of settling down for anyone who comes. When I say standards, I don't mean looks, someone who is decent and trustworthy. Especially the ones who are choosy. the "not or everyone" type. The ones who are not looking just to get laid, but more. Having standards help you improve yourself. You end up growing. Having standards has helped me to look at and see how much I have reinvented myself from time to time.

Morals and identity -

Gays in the straight world are seen as horny men who lust over other men. The portrayal of gay men in the movies and videos have made that our identity. There are a few who prove them right. Learn to co-exist, learn to achieve, learn to be a decent human being, get an identity other than just "being gay". Be a success, be the best and be that person whom others wish they were, an inspiration. Then come out. For the world to see what gay men really stand for.

There are more to come, but for now, I feel this is fine. With no one to guide, lets not put ourselves in a box of "sexuality", let us help the world understand us better.


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