Being Closeted Indian Gay

Previously I had written about not fitting in the gay world, As a Bisexual, I don't exactly fit in the Straight world as well. I seem to be a cat on the wall where I can don't just fit in. After some bitter experiences in the Gay world, I had decided to go with the Straight world, to gel in. But as it turns out, I don't feel like myself over there. These are the few reasons for this, I feel Sports - I have zero interest in sports. Although I go to the gym and used to play basketball at school, I never understood sports, and was great at any. When you are wit straight guys, you need to know a bit about wrestling, a bit about cricket or football. I didn't know it was essential to be good friends with straight people. As much as I don't watch "Sex and the City" or any such shows, I am not particularly able to make a conversation about "today's match", I feel left out. Drunk talk/ dance - Men are really stupid when they  are drunk. They ...

For many years, I feel that  we have been confused with the term "homophobia", because I realised that people aren't per se, "Homophobic". Femphobia is an issue that is around in the gay community itself. "I freeze when I see an effeminate guy", he said, while his male lover rests on his chest huddling after a session of coitus. This is essentially the difference between Homophobia and Femphobia. I have a friend to whom I said that I have made out with men, and she was pretty chilled about it. Later out of curiosity she asks me for his pic. I show it to her and she goes "Eww, seriously? He looks like a girl, take it away from me". This is the difference between Homophobia and Femphobia, when it comes to the straight world. While Homophobia is a fear of the sexual preference of the person, Femphobia is about the fear based on a person's appearance or behavior. They are totally fine whom you sleep with, as long as they don't want t...

The Bromance has been dull as F. The timing has been off with us, I get trained by his trainer and I get home panting everyday, for the reasons I don;t want to. Now this muscle boy doesn't care a shit about me except for a surprised "hey" every time he sees, I try to keep the cool, i have enough eye candy in the gym to give me company. all the college brats with their huge arms and broad shoulders. Not to forget the cute twinks trying lift weights. After two days of mutual exchange of pleasantries, I finally decided to text him why he hasnt' come to train me. I made it sound casual and he goes "come early, bro". And then I go late as usual, but I see him working out. I don't know why but I get so shy and introverted around him. But then he comes to me and makes corrections. Well, he aint the trainer there, but he does train a few guys there apparently, I would prefer his trainer to train me as that guy is actually very good, but then I wanted the mu...

sometimes you loose hope in humanity. How some  people can do whatever they want and can get away with it. They simply live their life, hurting others, and are the ones who go unscathed. those are the times you wonder if you have to have so many value systems. The guy who cheated on someone who loved him truly, now goes sleeping around blaming the other, the tainted moves on so effortlessly, the one who loved the other truly heals, by himself, at least I can be with them to heal them. On the hand, the one who supported the wrong doers, out of empathy, gets hurt. I don't know why but I felt helpless, powerless, tired and even vengeful. But the words of those who hurt was soothing enough to let it go. Breaking bad seems so easy yet so difficult. I don't know if its worth anything, but to think of such things seems impossible. How do some people have the courage to handle all their misdeeds, while those who do no wrong end up suffering. Is it a choice that we take to suffer, ...

Having seen those gay men who are old, I could only think of two possible options for them. The Masc and the Fem. Going through the Instagram and Facebook I have seen one thing. The Masc guys have higher demand as they age, to a point. While Fem have been subject to a lot of disadvantages through out their lives, it doesn't get any better as they age. from 20 to 30 is the best time they would have. The ones that I know end up being more and more lonely, with friends that they have, they don't really get a companion that they spend time with. Their desirability goes down. Its painful to see them this way. However the masculine counterparts get to enjoy life till their 40s. I met two guys in their early 40s who get hit on my younger guys even today. Infact, until they mentioned their age, it was hard to know that they are so old!. The Mascs who have a rocking body and those who simply are Masc with their rugged looks attract so much attention, to their Queer counterpart.  ...

This is pretty much a running commentary of my life right now. Having realized that I would be in India for a short time now, I had to pretty much keep my ideas for something "long term" at bay, at least for here. But then flirting with Bi men and Straight is something that saves me from the entanglement that I want to avoid. So, when I see my college junior turn all hunky, and when my friend tells me he was found on Tinder looking for guys, you kinda have some hopes. If you have read about "being called bro", its for the agony of this meaty muscle man "bro-zoning" me. what more? This asshole has a girl friend!. Keeping myself away from him for all the right reasons, I end up joining his gym for all the wrong reasons. Now, this was after him pretty much convincing me to join it, for he will "train" me. I am not expecting much, nor am I missing anything major in my previous gym (where I get pretty much 0 attention with everyone busy looking at ...

Bottoms have their own skewed logic that makes Top go berserk. Though I don;t have many friends per se, who are bottom, This is something I picked from the Top friends I have. Girls are bitches - Most gay bottoms have secret rivalry towards girls. Obviously the kind of attention that girls get is something every gay bottom wants from a guy, but which they don't get. When he has an emotional meltdown, it is supposed to be "Men have feelings too", and when a girl gets emotional "These bitches and their drama"!. They have girls as best friends, in fact, the cute ones. But someone times its hard to be all that "friendly" when his bestie gets a hunk he has been eyeing on secretly for ages. Fellow Bottoms are Sisters - Enemy's enemy being thick friends, two gay bottoms can bitch about a girl they dislike. I noticed this with a guy I met, him and his friend discussed about guys and ship each other with the guys in the crowd, they would call each ...

When I started this blog, I had hardly any readers. I didn;t mind. I didn't write it for recognition. Seeing, my blog, a dear friend of mine said that I should show it to some Gay magazines. And so I did, just a try. Fortunately, the editor accepted that my posts as the "Caped Crusader" be published. I worried at times, that my posts hardly got any response. Not much comments, not much mails. Now, it was my mistake to compare the response I received, as a former "Gay Erotica" writer. I used to open my mail to see at least five mails (sometimes I get even today). Am I proud of it? Well, I feel like the Gay version of Sunny Leone, I am not particularly ashamed of it, nor am I gonna flaunt it out. But the real recognition that I got was in the land of Qupids. As I went through my timeline, I saw a post from Gaylaxy, that was shared, the topic was familiar, and then I realized that it was my article!. It was a bitter sweet moment for me. The fact that my article ...

This could be the most peculiar type of relationship you have seen yet. Out of all the polyamory, polygamy, Bigamy and what not, This relationship with a guy I met on Insta seems to be simply for Romance. I realized that my craving was for romance, more than sex. He is someone whom I see no future with. Long Distant thing. I am sure he would be sleeping around. But to flirt with each other and send pics of what you are up to, talking about what we would "do" when we meet (when we very well know that's not happening) is pretty funny an affair. I don't know how it started, with my awkwardness in flirting, it turns out when the relationship is NSA, I get damn excited. There was no need for a commitment (although I can;t concentrate on too many guys at a time), There was no tension about the "future". We don't know if it'll even last. But we simply play like kids, saying things to each other, romantically. May be that is what I missed the most in an...

Tops are really funny. Their logic in a Gay world seems atypical to that of a straight guy. At the end of the day, I think people are fluid, and some just stick to being a top, until someone is worthy enough to pop his candy. I have spoken to a few Tops (and personal experience) and their open talk gave me a smirk. Lets see how they behave and if it has any logic whatsoever. Twinks for Sex - I agree that twinks are the best when it comes to fucking. They are small, easy to carry, and take it well. They like to be manhandled a bit. If you are into that type, you might want to try them out. But, lets face it, they would not want to date a twink. The Tops atleast in south are very open when it comes to avoiding anything "out of bed" with a twink. Effeminate for Sex - I know a few tops who don't like to fuck effeminate guys, and look for Mascs only. But then there are those who are okay to get their dicks up any ass that;s available. But again, they are used like a p...