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Dirty Secret

However be the love that you have for the guy you are dating, and how much ever he claims to like you, all that you feel in the end of the day is like a dirty secret. Now I would be a hypocrite if I say I don't make the other person feel the same way. My boundaries have been very clear with the guys I have dated too, but then I wouldn't take advantage of their love and let them remain a dirty secret. When I like a guy, I would make sure he gets to be around. May be as a friend, or may be more. I wouldn't mind.

But then I sometimes loose interest or hope in being with men who treat me like a dirty secret. I would in no way force a guy to make us "official" to everyone. I don't know if I am that comfortable with anyone for that matter, but when you are prohibited in any way to show your love is kind of embarrassing and awkward.

One guy I dated with be highly affectionate when he is with me, but then I am not supposed to send kissing smileys and say I love you in Whatsapp, instead we had "secret codes", and this guy was in his 30s. It wasn't cute, and I had to end it.

Another guy I was dating met with an accident. I really wanted to go meet or call him, but I was prohibited because his mom or sister or friends were around. I eventually felt like some dirty secret that he hid in the closet and felt it was better to leave him at that point. These men I had dated were very normal guys you meet everyday, some who have dated girls in the past.

What really hurts me is how these men, who have dated girls in the past show their love to her, shower it in front of all. But then they are very weary about the guy that they love equally or even more. They only gave me one advice, that I should do the same. That I should celebrate the girl in front of the world, and romance the guy in the dark.

These guys have other "logic" that they wouldn't call it "cheating" if they sleep with guys after marriage. I don't know at what level of desperation these married men come to me asking me to be their "partner", with whom I should be "committed" while they manage their wife and children. I would have rather been happy if he had asked me for sex. I would have felt a bit less insulted.

Why don't they understand that men have feelings too? They say that men are not commitment material and that they need variety to sleep around. May be that's true, but may be, may be it because those who wish to be committed and be with someone, with self respect are being forced to be non-committed.

When you love a guy a lot, a lot! and he tells you that we can continue to be together, only if, you sleep around with other men, and that you get married. You have two choices, leave him behind so that he lives his "high life", where he has no remorse of cheating or two timing, while you go around to date other men who want the same, or you simply smile and say yes, when you are dying inside every time he talks about taking his girlfriend to Goa or sleeping with a "cute" teen guy.


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