Being Closeted Indian Gay

Closeted men face issues silently that Open gay men may or may not understand. We hold a secret, that we cannot let out or keep inside. The pressure is real. Although Closeted men are comparatively comfortable being in the closet. Relationship with a Closeted guy isn't easy. Hence, most of them end up staying single, or with "Friends" whom they meet occasionally for sex. Then there are those who are only into hook -ups. A few things that all closeted gays go through, that they stay single -  Being Discreet -  Discreet Closeted guys are always under the issue of being "out-ed". More so because the gay world is a small group. The guys you date would have friends of friends of friends who could be open and know someone from your office or family. They wouldn't be comfortable taking pictures with the open ones, or getting around with their friends. With the open crowd trying to own up to their sexuality, the discreet cannot risk being tagged. They are al...

To a wide eyed newbie potato that I was, I have come a long way. May be i didn't realize it, or may be I experience and dig deep to whatever I like. There are a  few things that I wish to say. All men are not bad - Initially I used to think that all men are bad. That they are looking only for sex. That they are animals who rape or abduct you, who would even kill or use you. Worst of all expose your secret to the world. I found it to be pretty stupid when I realized that most of the men were friendly, vulnerable and even scared than you are. I have seen the best of men in the gay world. They have taken good care of me, they have guided me, they have given me strength and made me feel comfortable in my skin. In fact, I saw that we all deal with the same emotions of shame, guilt and frustration. We all have fear. We all have strength, love and wisdom. Still. Be prude - Having said that, I feel that we have to be careful nonetheless. May be I found the gems (and a few rocks) b...

Most of us have grown up in a very "straight environment". Almost everywhere, everyone around you are talking about the love or any kind of relationship between a man and a woman. I don't remember at my early age, anyone ever talking about "being gay". It was even considered a taboo. Abnormal. At this juncture, when you fall for a guy, then you are supposedly the girl. But that was not the truth. Every song, every movie, every series, novels and what not is about a guy and a girl. Even with so many "Dos and Don'ts" and "manuals" for dating for the straight couples you see that they some how accept each other for all the flaws and strengths they have. But, what do Gay men have as a means for it? We all find these tabloids and may be one or two comic gay characters in mainstream media, and most of them are either too dark and pathos or too comic and idealistic. Since we haven't seen a real life gay couple from our childhood, it is ...

There are certain things that I had to change over time. But somethings don't change. Looks are the easiest thing to change, personality takes time, but preferences, attitude and more than anything, moral values may never change. May be because deeper down, I am traditional and old school. My ex Kel, wanted to make me his, I had accepted him for all his flaws, may be because I loved him. When you love someone, their flaws seem small, but there came a time when he wanted me to be with him while he wanted to get married. Some part of me felt that it was cheating. He might have been married already, for all I know. Although I could have changed anything about for him, to change my moral values for him, didn't happen. That caused a rift in our relationship that never mended. Be it with SDev, I was a teetotaler, but I used to drink with him, I couldn't differentiate Beyonce and Rihanna, but for him I used to listen to English music. Kel used to like old classical songs, I s...

We all know that puberty is a changeover that we all go through. But changes sometimes for us are mandatory to find someone we love, and feel worthy of their love. I remember how I dreaded the way I looked. I was fat, as a high school student, A nerd. Specs, books and plain shirts. All I could think was some magical transformation or people who took me for who I am. But the truth was far from that. I was rejected, ignored and even forgotten. The personality that I had built inside my head gave good company only to me. All those who claim to be Sapiosexual or anyone else they claim to be, at the end of the day fall for your "personality". Personality that they lack or they have in ample. I don't remember the last time anyone took someone who doesn't have a personality, seriously. Then I realized that I had to work on myself in every way if I wanted someone to respect me and take me seriously. At least in the gay world.  As days went by I worked on myself. May ...

Of all the time, this is the best time to that gay men are exposed to each other with enough privacy in the social media. From the time where there were smaller online forums to meet gay men, now we have apps and wide range of people. But Millennials face other problems that comes against their gay romance, which is as real as it gets Time - Millennials have very less time (at least the successful ones), and they can spend very less time for going out or getting to know a person. They would rather have sex and get done with their urges, and get on with their work than to take their time to hang out with one person, or keep an engaging conversation with someone you are interested with. The Shift systems in the corporate world and time-line difference in long distant relationships. Lets not forget how tired we get after a full day's work.The connection is there, but the timing is off. Place -  Millennials unlike our generations before are forced to live with parents until th...

Reaching a new city, for a short trip, I was exhausted by the almost cold response I was recieving from the men of this metro. I almost ended up giving up my pursuit to meet someone. All those men who look so decent, simply didn't heed to any kind of requests to meet. It was pretty much weekend, and I was bored to the core, and a message popped up for a casual meet. This person seemed not to be having the struggles of the millennials. He had the time, a bike (trust me, not many own one these days, at least at this place), and he was willing to meet in a moments notice. We spoke, only to realize that he didn't know English!. Although he didn't know english, he was well versed in Kannada, Telugu, Hindi and Marathi. While I didn't know any of those languages. I spoke to him in my broken hindi, and he spoke in his broken English. He was not educated much, but makes a good living out of agriculture and gold designing. Even though we struggled to communicate. I found it ...