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The biggest fear, other than dying alone, was the fear of rejection. I always realized that I would screw up with guys whom I like by over doing something or by moving away voluntarily than take up the rejection. I have always been comfortable with people whom I know for a fact wouldn't reject me. It was a blow to me when a friend of mine (whom I thought would be happy to have me, so arrogantly) seemed not to be so, it made me really insecure. The brain takes rejection as physical pain. That someone is saying that "you are not enough", makes you feel handicapped. It took me days, and even months to be okay with it. The fear that I ran away so much from happened so lightly and I still cant take it. He wasnt someone I thought he would be, and that's a different story.

For that reason, I don;t let people close whom I might end up rejecting. I would keep a distance and even make myself undesirable so that they don't ever approach. But, that could just be me. More than loosing a person, Getting rejected hurts more. But, I guess you get used to it as time goes. All of us have preferences and to respect other's decision is all that you can do. After a point I realized that them rejecting me doesn't in any way make me less. In fact, after a point that they just missed out someone nice ( at least not so arrogantly this time ) , I wish they find what they are looking for. 


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