Skip to main content

Time - passing

It hit me hard recently one day, when I felt so wrong about my encounters with the guys whom I have dated in the past. I was angry to a point that I got confused why was I so angry at them, as being with someone and moving on if you don't like them is something that happens normally. Yet, I was furious at them. Then I realized that there was that one word that pretty much summed up my love life than anything and that was "Time pass". What is the difference between "Dating" and "Time pass" is just that. Dating involves an inherent need to see if the relationship lasts, they flirt and make out, hang out and what not with the agenda of being together and being comfortable, compatible with each other. Time pass doesn't have that agenda. You are bored, you have the time and the money, and you use the other person to fill those time you would rather watch a movie. The other person is your "Entertainment".

In no case have I seen any one I have dated as a Time pass. At least to my knowledge. I was offered "Lets be a couple for a week" kinda offers, but that would never work for me. "You are being too uptight", my friend would say, but is that so?. I don't understand how I could spend my time with someone and be intimate with them knowing that they are not going to be part of my life. I did try, to be honest, but my damned heart would start dreaming about the person for the future, then comes the thought that I am wasting my time with them. Every guy I have dated or moved closer, my thoughts were to stay settled, and I wouldn't dare waste someone's time if I didn't think I'll be able to be with them. But, those were just my thoughts. Even as a friend, I don't think I'll be able to be the "mind my own business" kinda friend. I see that I am not alone. I see those guys who would come close, may be too close, but again, If I don't see a future, I would rather stay away than time pass with them. Because, I wouldn't want anyone else to feel that they are piece of furniture that was used to warm my seat, the way I felt with others. 


Popular posts from this blog

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of

Walk of Shame

usually walk of shame happens when you have had sex with a total stranger, and you just regret to have done that while getting back home in the morning. But, to me it was different. Some few months back, I met this guy, he was really smart. well behaved and very talented. Mind you, I didn't meet him on any apps, but for work. Everytime he comes to work, he gives special attention to me, while other men "see", he "watches" me. While other man just touch, he "feels" me. He used to openly make it clear that he is there to see me and me only. I used to feel so special. But I never had the guts to reciprocate. Partly because the reputation he has for being a player. he is extremely smart, very soft spoken and has that charm. Girls fall for him so easy. I used act like I don't like him, but all my peers started noticing the attention I get from him. He talks only to me, the way he looks at me, how closely he stands, how he gets pissed if I have a figh

What I would tell my young gay self

Sometimes when you are gay, you are isolated, there are no mentors to guide you what is right and what is wrong. You have to tread carefully and move forward. With all the experience that I have gained so far, I would have to see what is gonna work and what doesn't. A few things that I would want to tell my younger self if I were to meet him. 1) They are as scared as you are - I remember the days when I used to ask a hundred questions before I share my photos. I was worried that I would be blackmailed, that I would be raped, and that the guys would kidnap and sell me off. Yes, all this does happen. There are many who are really evil, but as time went, I realized that most of the guys are just helpless and are scared themselves. There are many married men who live a double life, there are famous men, who don't want to come out, there are young boys who are going through the same as you. In fact, some of them are more closed than you are! 2) You would be rejected - Rej