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The straight Envy

This is a feeling that every gay man goes through. When he sees this straight guy whom he cannot take his eyes away from. The guy is everything you wish for your guy to be, or may be he just has that something that really makes you like him. But, you can never in this life time have him. Because you are a guy and he is not gonna be interested in you. You might the hottest most good looking guy in the world, but he cant be with you for the reason that you are guy.

Much worse is when you see the guy taking care of a girl, or looking at a girl in a way you wish he looks at you. This guy from my college, with whom I have had fantasies with, held a girl's hand in front of me, and she blushed. I don;t why, but I felt like a looser at that point. Same reason why hanging out with a bunch of guys is always tiring. There is always that guy whom you end up liking in the group and he in no way be interested in you, and you are afraid if you'll show it out. 

Being friends with a good looking guy is a constant issue. You end up falling for him and not be able to tell him, you feel its better to stay away. More than that, the people around him always start riding us together because "we look good together" and the whole moment gets awkward.

Sometimes, I wish that the table would turn. There would be some guy with whom I can be, that will make all the girls envy. I constantly work on myself so that the guy who gets me feels that he is the luckiest, and the girls feel the same way, I feel about those straight couples.

Being closeted has its other issues. We cannot openly flirt in FB, we cannot hold hands in the public. we have to be okay with the girls hitting on your guy, and not being able to hug, kiss and stay close in a group. I wish I get there one day or the other. 


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