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Being with the wrong crowd

Its been a few weeks since I left all those apps I have been in. It wasn't until I met a friend I knew anything about it. I used to be happy with the guy I liked, didn't want anything more. A text in a day was enough. Until my old friend came to my life. Who made me frustrated with the fact that you have to be constantly in search. That you have to have more men as options. That you must socialize and get as many men to notice you as possible. That having options is a safe zone to be, so that if you get rejected by one, you have many others, and you wouldn't be emotionally affected.

After months of staying away from that friend who constantly checks the apps even while you are with him, I realized that I just didn't want so much attention. I didn't want options. In fact, having options only made it worse for the ones I had. You only know how it feels when you are treated as one. Another reason of being in these apps is the fact that you would always end up being an option too.

How can there be a solid relationship or friendship when you keep looking for new people. It was confusing for me. It clearly sends a message that "you are not enough for me", the truth is, may that you are scared of rejection, or that you are so lonely that you need to keep engaging with multiple people, or the lack of self worth, to constantly make new connections so that they idolize you.

My standards for the men I liked and my self worth had gone so low with him. He made me think that a guy paying for the meal, or taking you in his car is what makes you worthy . He made it look like all those attention you get from those around you is what makes you attractive. That more options you have, the cooler you would look. That you need to lie about your social status, and about your future plans and interests to get those guys to like you. Go to any extent to please them if they are well off and give you gifts.

After a month of being away from this friend. Today, I sit contently doing my work, asking myself "Why the rush?", Instead of taking things slowly and being sure of one guy knowing him and liking him at my own pace, I didn't want to have sex with the guy fearing being "Friendzoned".

I would rather say that such notions are so high in the community and that's because I turned to the wrong crowd. I wish that a better community comes out where based on self-love, and feeling of contentment. How beautiful it is to listen to thise stories of men finding each other without any options and drama. where they walk away when they know it isnt going to workout, instead of clinging for the sake of options. where you are clear aout what you want and chose to be with only those who matter to you, and you matter to them. 

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