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What if you find love after?

I abide by the policy not to get too close to anyone, as some are not used to the attention and end up falling for you, and it is something that makes you feel miserable, when you don't feel the same way (since you know how it feels, when someone is "close" but not "close enough"). My past apprehensions have made me quite distant anyway, loosing people close to me has been happening from my childhood and I would rather be happy with this distance when it comes to love. I have felt it. the all consuming passion, burning down everything you had, but it doesn't last long. Hence, you end up being okay with someone who makes you feel "safe".

But then sometimes you wonder if he is "the one". What if I find that person who would make my heart beat faster? what if there is someone I might find later, who will see me the way I wish someone did? What if I later on end up finding that one person whom I wanted to be with ? Am I settling down for someone out of loneliness? or out of fear of putting myself out there?, I don't know. There is reluctance to pour my heart out to him, there is reluctance to get close, as somewhere you wish for "more".

More than that, am I the right person for him, has always been my concern. With someone from my past, I know for sure that there is no one who would care for him like I did, to a point that every movement of his, I can predict. But will I be able to be "that guy" to him? what if there is someone  out there who would be perfect for him? would he leave me if he finds "the one"? Would I have to let him go? How would he take it if I ever had to leave him for another (which I wish I won't. I would rather sacrifice the new love for the old, I know it sounds cheesy, but I believe in Karma).

I still haven't gotten "Committed", and I just want to take time to be sure, even though I am not seeing or even looking for anyone else. But, what if it just "happens"? I am sure every other guy I meet has that one "friend" who is very "close" to them, and they go around "dating" others. Like a guy I met long back, who obviously had a "Friend", with whom he goes out for a drink and has sex every weekend, and who loves him a lot. I think that is just plain hypocrisy, And I wish I never get to that point, as it sucks to be that "friend".

I am someone who believes that you'll know when you meet "the one", there is either that feeling or there isn't. Going by that there is lot of feeling, that I don't feel for anyone else right now. That makes me get closer, but then the "what ifs" keep me far, more when there isn't much attention as I used to get.


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