Suddenly, I became horny, so horny that I really wanted to sleep with someone asap. I opened to Grind only to see the same faceless torsos, asking for their needs and wants, place, preference and what not. In that hussle, I waited, I waited if I'll get someone to sleep with. I hurriedly sent my pics to a few and they didn't respond, and some were finnicky on me not sharing my number. I couldn't do much until I realized that I don't want to sleep around. The weather was amazing and I really wanted to cuddle and kiss (don't judge), until the memories flashed of my friend. With whom I had ended up sleeping with to run away from my agony (and I was very attracted to him), but I didn't have feelings for him. The Agony grew, as I know exactly how it'll feel. I realised may be its better this way, and I ended up closing the app and masturbated.
Sometimes, I failed to understand how some men demand sex, while you are asexual, and how I used to believe that they are an empty shell. Honestly, I feel empty. I wish I could take this emptiness away, or fill it with something meaningful. I remember the time when I was with SDev, that I suddenly felt complete. Like I had gotten all that I want. But I was delusional. Now the fact that I would never feel that way, really makes me feel empty.