Still the Naive guy that I was, My interest in the real world was quite seldom. My days were full of cacophony search. I searched for a companion through internet, where not only my thirst for new porn grew but the need for an emotional connect. Prudence being my middle name, I would make all the efforts to make it incognito. The images of Evil predators across the screen didn;t stop me from my search for my emotional mascot. curiously I made friends. The Hidden agenda always hidden, any one who would vibe with me. occasional chat with girls ended with making new friends, thoughts of being with a girl would come and go but a male companion seemed like Salvation. My interests deepened, as my identity deepened, I slowly realized that I had a "Type". From the cute Classmate, I moved on to keep the "Rugged indian men" as the priority, as my earlier years. Like any other indian gay man, Effeminate men were a no go. The feel was quite uncomfortable because, which I knew even back then, was my own insecurity. The milky white fattie, had now become an oddly shaped potato of a high school student.I was still addressed to be soft spoken and was glad my peers weren't judgemental enough (?!), may be I was hard on myself than others around me. May be I still am,
It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of
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