Sleepless nights

The need to find someone was an innate instinct. Sometimes, didn't let me breathe. The dream that would keep me awake, I would say without shame, was not to achieve high in life, but to settle down with someone caring and nice. One would argue that its better to take care of your life, than to look for someone who doesn't exist. My heart pounded otherwise, Being the Hopeless romantic I was, I had wanted a special relationship to make meaning of this hapless life. The thought of a successful life with no one to share it with was something that I feared, than being special to someone who would love me till eternity. I had my own doubts of my existence. would I be forgotten, a life where my existence means nothing to anyone. But, I would rather be a world to one person, than be a piece of memory for a lakh other. My life had such selfish motive intertwined with the motive to serve people, and connect with those who suffer. The latter, I see, is going as per plan and as much as the pain for not finding "The one", I pleasure to serve has been an antidote.

Although, every night the search was there, going through countless profiles, trying to understand the people and facing numerous rejections, being royally ignored and at times, being stalked and begged. It was the same story, taking all my emotions to a spin. The lucky day was the only light in the other side of the tunnel. Some days, the pain was real. As we all do, the pleasure was released by the right hand, and would sleep through only to wake up again for the thought of the special stranger kept me alive. With nothing to look forward to, I was living in my own world of dreams.