Skip to main content

Intuitive Episodes

In my life, I have been a huge believer of my intuitions. The feeling "in my bones", are so strong that I get into a zone. Especially for people who are close to me, I would be able to predict in case they are in danger. The same in my case too, and it isn't a gentle whisper, but a strong bold voice inside my head (if needed, turns into insomnia).

My Intuitions have helped me in my own life, when one week before Kel was to leave me for a girl, I cried to him "You don't need me anymore". far far away he was, and something told me that he had left me, may be before he had even met her, I wouldn't know. When SDev forbid me to talk to his "friend", I did exactly that, and it saved me from a sham. When my dad's friend had stepped into the house, who I "didn't feel good about", I took a stance to throw him out, otherwise, he might have been an alcoholic. When my friend wanted to date this girl and I said "Not a good idea", they brushed me off, only to see that things turned ugly. 

The examples are countless, and the ends aren't so good. Yes, I have had good vibes too, sometimes, my vibes have been wrong. But, I do my best to convey what I feel, not bothering what they think of me. Most of my friends think I am being intrusive, and its not their fault. Who am I to take the decisions for their life? yet, some have, who trusted my word and have saved themselves. 

Right now, I write this, may be to journal this intuitive feeling about a friend abroad, who is associated with someone I know. Whom I had strong feelings are still together. Makes me feel bad by the fact that this pure soul ( who claims to be strong and detached, but I see a helpless hurt child, with a mask on) to get a blow that might tarnish him. 

To that friend, I write. We all have masks, we all wear the capes and yet deep down look for someone to lean on. Those who seem independent and have stood too long by themselves are those who crave to sit in the hays that lay around. The lushy hays staked up, that you check and step to be firm, is but an empty box that pretends as good as you to be strong. The wish to stand, for now, and sit later, on the precious hays, claiming to protect it, wishing to get a rest through it, but the empty stack is but a mirage. When you really wish to sit well, it crashes to the ground. It has crashed a few comrades, and you think you are different. Run away from it! find solace to your tiring legs soon, elsewhere!

This I write strongly, as my heart murmurs, may be not as strong the last time a comrade fell, but similar. I wish not to write to you anymore, as I feel my time has come to bid adieu. For I feel you would fall as hard as the others I have seen, and I wish not to see such a noble soul weep. You might be too tired to get up, too tired to walk, but its better to take every ounce of your energy and step away, for it will be too late otherwise. your words seem mild but feelings strong. I may not be around to see you fall, as my destiny always takes me away when they do. I wish you find a stick to catch on. That would be my only advice. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of

Walk of Shame

usually walk of shame happens when you have had sex with a total stranger, and you just regret to have done that while getting back home in the morning. But, to me it was different. Some few months back, I met this guy, he was really smart. well behaved and very talented. Mind you, I didn't meet him on any apps, but for work. Everytime he comes to work, he gives special attention to me, while other men "see", he "watches" me. While other man just touch, he "feels" me. He used to openly make it clear that he is there to see me and me only. I used to feel so special. But I never had the guts to reciprocate. Partly because the reputation he has for being a player. he is extremely smart, very soft spoken and has that charm. Girls fall for him so easy. I used act like I don't like him, but all my peers started noticing the attention I get from him. He talks only to me, the way he looks at me, how closely he stands, how he gets pissed if I have a figh

What I would tell my young gay self

Sometimes when you are gay, you are isolated, there are no mentors to guide you what is right and what is wrong. You have to tread carefully and move forward. With all the experience that I have gained so far, I would have to see what is gonna work and what doesn't. A few things that I would want to tell my younger self if I were to meet him. 1) They are as scared as you are - I remember the days when I used to ask a hundred questions before I share my photos. I was worried that I would be blackmailed, that I would be raped, and that the guys would kidnap and sell me off. Yes, all this does happen. There are many who are really evil, but as time went, I realized that most of the guys are just helpless and are scared themselves. There are many married men who live a double life, there are famous men, who don't want to come out, there are young boys who are going through the same as you. In fact, some of them are more closed than you are! 2) You would be rejected - Rej