Skip to main content


There was a time when I used to think that I am Sapiosexual. I was fond of the word, may be. I used to talk with guys who can hold a conversation for hours and hours. But then I meet them, there would be something off about it. Not look wise, but may be the fact that they are too much in their head. Concepts after concepts, and wisdom quotes and lectures. Philosophy too. I would really like all of it, to be honest. I used to get high on information. But those with high IQ lack EQ!

As I have been in the sapio crowd too much, I know how methodically and impersonally we can jive for hours, and yet know nothing deeply about each other, as a person. I have been friends with such intellectual beings, at the end of the day, even after years, it is so common and easy for them to disconnect from you, while you end up emotionally invested in them.

I even started to get Sapio-averse, with a diarrhea of information flowing from each side, time passes, brain heats up, we feel an orgasmic high, a mind fuck. But, what ends up happening is the heart that wants warmth still stays bitter cold. I don't know how many can slowly but surely connect about feelings, and then it did happen, may be once. That being said, I realised that I was not Sapio, at all.

I wished to touch the heart thorough my mind, I wished to dive inside the person, know about their likes and dislikes, know about their past, tell about mine, feel secure and warm. I wanted emotions. I wanted a plethora of it. Being consumed by it and overwhelmed, even. I wanted to be touched at the deepest parts of my being. And Sapiosexuals merely would see it as a stories, disconnected, trying to decipher it with their logic, when emotions are beyond it.

How many of us can open up to someone who would empathize with you? How many wouldn't just churn in the thoughts of you, but "feel" the emotions. How many can openly show their heart to you and sweep you off your feet? I realized that I fall for intelligence, but faster, for kind words. I croon in front of kind gestures. My knees go weak, when I am with someone who give me a warm hug, or even look into my eyes and gently touch my shoulders.

If there is someone who is erratic outside, but soft inside, I would even feel their softness from afar, and tend to them, and wish that some did see beyond mine. I would have friends who are intelligent, but to be intimate with someone, I would want someone who know how I feel just by looking at me, than someone who ask me "Hope you are okay?".  


Popular posts from this blog

End of a time

It's been so long since I wrote. But then when I see people read my blog, and say how much they relate. It compels me to write more. I thought that I don't have much to write anymore. Same old issues, same old stories. I even didn't want to write thinking that the issues I mentioned would probably dilute the matter with too many posts. But then I write today because something recently struck me hard. A conversation with a love interest who is looking for a partner, realized that I talked a lot about my previous love .Which I didn't know was so obvious. But I clearly didn't move on. After may be discussing for a whole hour, he asked if I am looking for a lover or a partner? Because you don't have much time until you spend time loving someone who may never be your partner. That's when I realized that I for all these years, haven't had a proper romance, and I am already out of that age. I am old enough to settle down and look for a partner, instead of

Walk of Shame

usually walk of shame happens when you have had sex with a total stranger, and you just regret to have done that while getting back home in the morning. But, to me it was different. Some few months back, I met this guy, he was really smart. well behaved and very talented. Mind you, I didn't meet him on any apps, but for work. Everytime he comes to work, he gives special attention to me, while other men "see", he "watches" me. While other man just touch, he "feels" me. He used to openly make it clear that he is there to see me and me only. I used to feel so special. But I never had the guts to reciprocate. Partly because the reputation he has for being a player. he is extremely smart, very soft spoken and has that charm. Girls fall for him so easy. I used act like I don't like him, but all my peers started noticing the attention I get from him. He talks only to me, the way he looks at me, how closely he stands, how he gets pissed if I have a figh

What I would tell my young gay self

Sometimes when you are gay, you are isolated, there are no mentors to guide you what is right and what is wrong. You have to tread carefully and move forward. With all the experience that I have gained so far, I would have to see what is gonna work and what doesn't. A few things that I would want to tell my younger self if I were to meet him. 1) They are as scared as you are - I remember the days when I used to ask a hundred questions before I share my photos. I was worried that I would be blackmailed, that I would be raped, and that the guys would kidnap and sell me off. Yes, all this does happen. There are many who are really evil, but as time went, I realized that most of the guys are just helpless and are scared themselves. There are many married men who live a double life, there are famous men, who don't want to come out, there are young boys who are going through the same as you. In fact, some of them are more closed than you are! 2) You would be rejected - Rej