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Coming out Vs Closeted

I am closeted. Mainly because I see that those who have come out don't lead a life that is the best. I see them single, and hoping as much as the closeted. The ones who have come out have also been subjected to a lot of criticisms that I wouldn't want to face. At least alone. More than anything, to be part of a community, that is superficially welcoming, independently nice, yet collectively discouraging. The nice ones wants to sleep with you, those who sleep with you and like it want to marry you, those who don't will push you away( due to numerous rejections) and those who don't like you don't bother you. I might be in the same way, dealing with people. When you are nice for the sake of it, they take you as a romantic interest. and when you don't reciprocate, the curse and leave.

The paradoxes don't end. The straight life, although, you feel alienated at times isn't as bad as the crass and lonely life of an open gay man. The monogamous relationships don't last, the open relationships seem false, there are very few ideal couples to look upto. Those that are seemingly ideal are not in the open (mostly), they closet the relationship and live peacefully. Those ideal open couples evidently break up or don't stay "Till death apart". There is nothing in the society, friends or own values that hold them together.

More than anything, keeping the fact that being gay is an abomination, we search for some to over compensate the lag, hence even the perfect is not perfect enough. We grow, we develop, we become too high brow for those below us, and ye we look for someone above, who would compliment us, but they look for someone better, because they need to compensate their lack with another man better or equal. The Equals end up looking for better, becoming competitions for each. More paradoxes. Solution?!

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