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Intimacy

Intimacy is the opposite of loneliness. The reason why gay men feel lonely with the world is a simple reason. They can't be themselves in front of others. Lonely are not the people who are with a lot of people around, but who can keep the most secrets from those around them. Our sexuality is a huge secret. The double life. The cheating, the lies.

Dobby, I knew was extremely lonely, and he kept running behind men after men, hiding about each other, flirting and putting up a facade. The more men he approached, the more he felt lonely. Once I had asked him to let go of them and be by himself. Sometimes, being by yourself is the most horrible feeling. When you face the inner demons. But, once you realize who you are, and confide in one person who loves you the most (more than someone you love), you suddenly feel light, you wouldn't need a lot of men in your life. You get closure.

SDev on the other hand, was enjoying the "free world" of the Gay fraternity. But, The double life had wrecked him more than he knew. When you lie to the world about your identity, and lie to your loved ones about your life, there is a gap in intimacy. For when I open up about my life to all of you, I feel a deep sense of belonging. May be I'll write my confessions and take in the wrath. But it would free me from the burdens that I carry. I prefer blunt and crass men over the nice and shiny.

Kel, had also hid a lot from me, and I have hidden a few things from him. May be because we thought we were not ready to open up. But when real intimacy comes up, when you lay your sins out in the open for the world and trust it, the intimacy you get is beyond everything else. 

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